- When i started drawing nsfw, i was a virgin, and didn't understand much about sex. I still don't know a lot, but i've learned plenty throughout the years. However, all that i knew was from other sources, since i didn't have any experiences. That was the case until the start of this year. I won't go into further details, all that matters is that i enjoyed having sex, and now i can see things from another angle. This change of perspective is kinda bugging my brain off when it comes to my art now, making me feel lost.

- One of my theories about this is about the source of the feeling. I'm pretty used to see art on my bsky feed that makes me horny, take that horniness, and transform it into more art. But now that i know what sex is, this process feels more... intimate? Like, i feel more vulnerable about the ideas i have, and i begin to question if that idea would even feel good, then i think about what message i'm putting out on this world with this idea, like it should serve a bigger purpose- I should stop thinking now. But that's what i mean. I was used to not associating my intimate self into my art (not that it was soulless, i did what i did for passion), but now, except for comms or patreon rewards, feels like i'm either exposing myself or faking it.

- Does it feel bad? I guess not... I'm not sure. All i know is that i feel conflicted right now, like my art doesn't represent my soul anymore. Maybe i'm thinking too much about it again. Maybe i should try something different...

- So, a few things happened :)

- I lost around 10kg by now, however keeping myself motivated to exercise is tough. I knew it would be tough, but damn, the urge to stay home and watch youtube sitting on my lazy ass is getting bigger. Trying to go back to the gym, not sure how long this will last, but gotta keep going.

- We got skirts now. I repeat, WE GOT SKIRTS NOW!!! Well, one skirt, but i'm planning to get more. Also got tank top (it's very tight, but it fits with some effort), some panties (a bit small), some thigh highs (only goes up to my knees), a choker (can't even close that bitch, but it would look so gooooood), and a black shorts. As you can see, i'm a fucking megazord trying to fi into barbie clothes, but as far as i see it, it's just a skill issue. Still thinking about putting some ear rings...

- Still gotta dive into make-up and shit like nail painting. Also gotta try other body hair removal techniques. Meanwhile, i'll let my wolf cut carry me to androginy.

- Still thinking about opening myself to my parents, or at least to my sister, but i'm still afraid of what the reaction would be. Also, it's kinda hard to explain this stuff if i don't really know what i am still.

- like, i have no urges to have sex with anyone, but maaaaaaan do i wanna have sex

- When i was a kid, i remember watching a lot of tv. Like, staying the whole day at the front of the screen watching cartoons, which is crazy to think about nowadays that we have infinite content. At the time, you had to know where and when to watch your favorite tv show, usually only one episode per day, or else you're fucked. Of course, the popular shows were always exhibited on the 2 biggest channels at morning (Powerpuff Girls, Teen Titans, Spongebob), but there was also other channels that had cartoons, sometimes at night even, like Sagwa and Inazuma Eleven.

- But now and then, i remember that one channel, the one i've only tuned in when Pokemon was airing. I was crazy for the tv at the time, i would randomly change channels to see if there was anything animated on it, like a treasure hunter. I rarely found anything from those researches. But one day, on that channel, i was waiting for another Pokemon episode, and then... I saw this new show, a blue egg rolling around, falling, meeting various animals on the way, and eventually hatching into a blue dragon. I've never seen that show before, and, from what i can recall, it was its first episode.

- I tune in the next day, at the same time: nothing. I tune in at that same day of the week, at the same time: nothing. I had no idea of when this show was airing, or what it was, or why it even was there. All i had was a time and a memory, and i knew for sure i was the only kid on the region who knew about that dragon. It was like that show was exhibited exclusively for me, for some reason. I've encountered with the blue dragon 2 more times, one of them being the last episode, where the blue dragon finally returned to his home. I'm happy for him.

- It's no surprise that i'm a fan of femboys. However, i'm starting to consider actually becoming one, or at least something close to it. What motivated me was a few things: when i play VRChat, i really like to use femboy or sexy fem characters, and my sona in Atlyss looks so fucking sexy in female clothes, and a certain video of a guy trying femboy clothes. God that skirt looked so good... Ahem, what i'm trying to say is i have a project for 2025 and i'll actually try to become a femboy, lose a bit of weight, do butt exercises, use more feminine clothes (if possible), and maybe do voice training. So yeah, see you all next year, and merry crisis.

the creature

- So, i broke the screen my old android phone twice, and came to the conclusion that maintaining it was not worth it. So, due to family and social pressure, against my own bias, i bought an Iphone 12. I got the Mini version, just bc i wanted to be different, and kinda missed when smartphones weren't the side of tvs.

- My first impression was "WHY DO I NEED TO REGISTER A FUCKING CREDIT CARD TO DOWNLOAD WHATSAPP???", which was not a good impression, but the more i used it, the more i realized that i kinda like andriod more. Though, i gotta say, the iOS is a very solid os, the "iphine never stutters or crashes" propaganda was completely true, guessing that's because it's completely proprietary and optimised to a single hardware, instead of android, that it's made for every single phone. Also, the apple integration with everything apple is really cool, i imagine it would be very helpful if you had a whole apple ecosystem.

- With that said, i reeeeeally don't like how some functions are designed to keep you trapped on their ecosystem. Like, i'm not fucking bying another apple product, they cost a fortune, and this one i got has only 2 years of support left. Well, i have to switch the broken screen of my old phone to sell it anyways, so maybe i can get the best of both worlds...

- whyyyyyyyy did i cut my hair, i miss feeling the hair strands in my chest and almost mistake myself as a girl im the mirror sometimes aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa why am i so stupeeeeeeed

- No Nut November has been a thing for a few years now. It's more of a meme by now, but people are still doing it, i think. Personally, i never understood why would people subject themselves to something like this, except for porn addiction. But even then, i don't think that's what NNN is about, because it's not framed as sending information about its consequences, it's more of a puritanism thing, like a "templar resisting the devil's temptation to achieve clarity" sort of thing.

- That's not only stupid, it's missed potential to conscientize about health issues related to sex and masturbation, both topics rarely discussed seriously. Also, i feel like this approach villainizes sexual content in some way? Which is something i'm COMPLETELY against. If you like fat booty aliens, go fap to fat booty aliens. There's nothing wrong with it. Just be careful for it to not become an addiction (which is bad for your brain, just like other addictions).

- But if you still want to do NNN, i won't interfere with your genitals - well, maybe not directly, i'll still be drawing booba - just remember to have your mind in the right place. I'm trying to do the NNN for the first time, and let me say - it's very difficult to stay away from NSFW art when you're making part of that community, but if i get to just not jerk off for some days, i think that'll be good for me.